Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Posted: October 10, 2013 in Health, Humor, Migraine
Tags: , , , , , ,

I missed my regular post yesterday. Sorry about that. But, as a chronic migraine sufferer, sometimes I’m just not able to do the things I want, or even need to do. Yesterday was one of those times. I still am optimistic about the chances of chiropractic care helping me, but it’s too soon to have had any positive effect, I believe. I’m still going to have bad pain for a while, unfortunately, even if this treatment does work as I hope.

But that wasn’t what I really wanted to talk about today. Heck, if I got started with my gripes and groans on pain, I could be here until tomorrow! No, I was thinking about something stupid. Seriously. Did you ever do something small and stupid that you were embarrassed about, and didn’t want to tell people, but ended up explaining, anyway? I think that must be my mission in life. I don’t know how much of it is my migraine brain, and how much of it is the medication I take as a preventative. 6 of one, a half-dozen of the other. Thus, the tag line on this blog. When I’m in a great deal of pain, I don’t focus well and often am not very coordinated in my movements. Possibly because I’m not concentrating on the task at hand. But, my medications also have the fun side effect of making me less focused, less coordinated, and generally absent-minded. At bedtime, Mr ReloVertigo once asked me, “Did you take your medicine? I didn’t hear any pills hit the floor.” After I laughed, he explained that every time I take my night time medicine, he hears the plink-plink-plink of pills dropping, and me cursing my lack of finger dexterity. Lest you should think I have a potty mouth, the extent of said cursing probably consisted of a, “gosh darn it.”

Back to, “stupid is as stupid does.” I woke this morning about 4:00, (which to me is really last night) in a shock of pain. The right, front quarter of my head seemed to me it was on the verge of explosion. My right eye had the sensation that someone was scooping it out with a sharpened spoon. Yes, my pain gets specific with me. It seemed a railroad spike had been driven down through the top of my head and, strangely, it then took a right angle turn to shoot out my right temple. However, it didn’t stop there, because where the spike took the right angle turn, it also branched out with another right angle turn in a different direction, and stabbed out the back of the right side of my head. How nice. Triceratops. Of death. Everything always sounds worse when you follow it with “of death,” right? Because this was decidedly horrendous.

I was lying there on my left side, eye scooping out, Triceratops of Death going on, and I thought, “I really need to turn over.” Yes. Let’s do that. Because nothing bad ever happens when one turns over in bed.

I don’t know if I had some kind of right-arm-chicken-wing spasm, or if I somehow mishandled my pillow, or what exactly happened. I only know that when I completed the in-bed barrel roll, I had stabbed myself with my own thumb. My right thumb nail had gouged my right eyebrow area, and I was bleeding. How does this happen? I cannot imagine how I managed to avoid blinding myself. I was lying there, yelling, “OW! Oh my gosh! Oh that hurts!” And just generally writhing in pain while moaning and bleeding, what with all the massive injury going on, and all the while I’m thinking, “Is The Husband deaf?” I sleep with earplugs, so he could’ve been asking me if I was ok, and I wouldn’t have heard him. But considering my eyebrow hemorrhage and my head about to do a Scanners (see below, unless you’re a weenie), I forgot about the earplugs.

Ok, so for the non-weenies, possibly that was a slight exaggeration. For the weenies, it was no exaggeration at all, and I might have died. The Mr really should have been awake and doting on me. But he didn’t, and I bravely managed to survive. Barely. I have a terrible scab. You might be able to see it if you look closely enough.

Friendly Reader, I am so glad to have been able to share this with you. It’s not the kind of thing I could explain to the checker at the grocery today. And I really think you understand. Don’t you? I think maybe we have come to share…Friendly? You still there?

  1. bdmullaly says:

    If I could record my thought process, that’s what it would sound like! I love it! Hate you hurt yourself too, though. Are you okay?

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