Thanks, Man.

Posted: November 26, 2013 in Family, Health, Humor, Marriage, Migraine, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I have a Facebook friend from Australia. She is great for conversation, support, and laughs. But sometimes, she will bring up something about Australia’s unusually large insect population. Which would be fine, if it were some type of bug we didn’t have here in the States. But, no. It’s always some kind of universal creature, like a spider.

Tonight, she talked about a spider that her husband had killed for her. She said it was as big as a man’s hand. I was skeptical, but also knew that they do have some very, very large spiders on that continent. So, I asked if she was serious. She said yes, and that is was only the second biggest she’d ever seen. SECOND biggest, Friendly Reader! Jeepers creepers, if #2 is as big as a man’s hand, how big is #1? Maybe that comparison is to a very small man, with hands the size of a child. Yes. That would make me feel better, and not worry about some giant killer spider coming over on a boat full of koalas, or kangaroos, or whatever they ship us. I should really find out what we buy from them, so I can avoid it.

I later was sharing my horror of this with The Husband. Rather than mirroring my horror, as is socially acceptable, and maritally expected, he began to tell me the tale of an event from when our children were small. Daughter and Junior went through a phase where they caught bugs in a jar with holes poked through the lid, and kept them there as long as they could. They would attempt to provide a mini ecosystem made of a few blades of grass and a leaf, possibly adding a twig. They would put a bottle cap full of water in the bottom. The Mr said tonight that they once found a small spider that looked unusual. It grew and grew. It got very fat. Then, one day when The Husband was looking at it, he bumped the jar. That movement caused the spider to be jarred in some way, and in that moment, hundreds of tiny spiders scattered from its back.

Scream

Image by OpenClips via Pixabay

Really? He really had to tell me that? I had been eating a sandwich. Upon hearing that story, I suddenly wasn’t very hungry anymore. The peanut butter and jelly in my mouth disgusted me in way I had never before been disgusted. I seriously don’t think I will sleep tonight without dreams of millions of tiny spiders.

I take some small comfort in that I don’t live in Australia. They have quite a lot of different spiders.

And now I think to myself, “I wonder if Friendly is disturbed by this. Or worse, is Friendly reading this while eating?” I hope not, on both counts. But if so, I suggest flipping the television on and tuning in to a brainless movie that will take your mind off arachnids. I saw a Patrick Swayze movie on tonight.

But, of course, then you may have nightmares about that mullet. Read the name of this blog.

Comments
  1. Im from Australia and yes its true we do have very unusual bugs here. But luckily we don’t have self multiplying spiders… eeeek!

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