We’ve established that I’m a Nebraska football fan. Their head coach, Bo Pelini, has been under pressure for the lack of conference championships, for not even being able to get through the season to win our division of the B1G, and for a lack of fundamental skills on the part of players. Poor coaching.

Mr ReloVertigo walked into the room yesterday and announced, “I heard they decided to fire Pelini, and the replacement is somebody you aren’t going to like.”

There are only a handful of coaches this could be. But only one at the top of my Do Not Like list. I gasped, “No…Steve Spurrier? No way they would hire Spurrier!” The former coach of Florida and current coach at South Carolina has been my un-favorite since the 90’s. It was beyond my creative ability to imagine this hire occurring at Nebraska.

“No!” He chuckled, “Not him. The last coach of Ohio State.”

“What?” This was almost as difficult to imagine. I simply couldn’t see the Huskers taking on Jim Tressel, a coach who had been conclusively connected to a crooked program. I began a rant on ethics in college sport. On the honorable school that the Huskers purport themselves to be, and how such a hire would fly in the face of all that.

I noticed The Husband laughing to himself. He was putting me on. Pelini’s job had not been pulled out from under him. Nebraska had not lost its collective mind and hired one of those crazy choices. Very funny, my dear. He loves to say and do things just because he knows I will freak out. How does that amuse a man, infuriating his spouse? The faster the freakout, the bigger his laugh. And after he has laughed himself out, it’s always, “I love you, Baby.”

Yes, because love is best expressed with bizarre lies told with the intent of working one’s wife up to the point of wild eyed rage, then once at the peak of said rage, confessing the falsehood with glee. Perhaps he should love me a little less, in that case. Because this would lead me to believe The Mr loves the everlovin’ crap out of me.

Who loves you baby?” Apparently, my husband.


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