Home Sweet Home

Posted: January 8, 2014 in Family, Health, Humor, Marriage, Migraine, Travel
Tags: , , , , , ,

The average woman probably dreams of shopping for a new house, finding just the one with all of the amenities that fit that family’s needs and wants. The average husband probably dreams of more garage space. Lots more garage space. With maybe a urinal and a rollout bed.
Seriously, Friendly Reader, I believe that if the woman of the house picked out her dream home, the man of the house could really care less what the inside looked like, as long as massively ridiculous garage space came with it. They may only have one car between the two of them. No matter. The man probably has this awesome set of tools that needs housing. And there is probably a motorcycle he’s had his eye on, or even a boat and trailer he’d have, if only he had the room. As long as he is regularly fed, has a place to sleep, and heat in the winter, the man could probably just agree to anything the woman wanted really, if she showed him an attached four car garage. Or even a two car garage, with an outbuilding that would house an 18 wheeler or small airplane. A man needs his space.

Each time we relocate, I go with the realtor and for five straight days, I tour houses. All day, every day. It is serious business. I do not play. I do not pass Go, I do not collect $200. I look at ten to fifteen houses per day. By the end of the fourth day, I gather all the info and photos of all of the houses, and start narrowing down choices. On the last day, I present the final houses to Mr ReloVertigo. That, Friendly, is a stressful day. Because what I want and what he wants are two very different things. I try to include houses with features he will like. I never include houses that I am iffy about. The movers will only move us once. And I’m spoiled by now. I’m not packing my own crap anymore, Friendly. I’m certainly not hefting boxes. The final list of houses have to be those that I would be ok living in for the next however many years. Because I’m not moving twice in the new town.

But this time, The Mr has requested to do things a little differently. He announced that this time, he wants to see every house with me. What? To quote a popular meme, “Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!” By now, my process is like a well oiled machine. There is a reason I see all houses and narrow them down. He doesn’t have time to see that many houses. I do not exaggerate when I say ten to fifteen houses per day. If he participates, he’ll want only to look in the afternoon. Of course, because he is a busy man. That would double the time it takes to do this! It’s stressful enough as it is. I don’t want to waste three days looking at houses on the edge of civilization that I will never agree to live in, because he likes the fact that they all have pole barns or multiple garages.

So, for me, the bloom came off the rose of house hunting long ago. It is not the fun I once thought a house shopping spree would be. It’s time-sensitive, it’s pressured, and it’s loaded with the land mines of marital friction.

Heck, after awhile, they all start to merge in the mind as one big house. We once bought a house the kids hadn’t even seen until we moved in. Daughter was looking forward to the mauve carpet we promised her room had. And then, when she first walked into her room, the carpet wasn’t mauve. We had gotten the house we bought mixed up with another house we looked at. Not the entire house. We bought the right house. Just the details. I was surprised by a few features when we first walked in, too. We just laughed. That’s what happens when you have too little time to see too many houses.

I’m better at it by now, of course. I’m far more reliant on notes and pictures than my memory. I mean, for goodness’ sake. I’m a chronic migraineur. That’s seriously affected my memory. So, I take no chances.

We’ll see how this time goes. I hope I can talk The Husband out of accompanying me. And if I can’t, I guess that will have to be a new part of my system.

I’m still not buying a house just for the garage, though.

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