Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Sometimes, I get the feeling Mr ReloVertigo would prefer to be doing something exciting like gutting fish, rather than listening to my stories. Just this morning I was attempting to relate to him a fascinating account of how current events intersected with my views on certain foreign social and criminal policies. I know, riveting, right? (more…)

 

Take one look at this lovely 1920’s cloche hat I found on the vintage fashion blog OMG that dress!

1920's Cloche Hat

Cloche Hat, 1920s, The Goldstein Museum of Design
Image via OMG that dress!

It can’t be just me that thinks George Lucas or someone in costume design for Star Wars Episode IV, must surely have seen this hat before giving Carrie Fisher those cinnamon bun hairpieces!

Image via Wookieepedia, the STAR WARS Wiki

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This chronic migraine disease is boring holes into my brain, I swear. Giant holes where the smart falls out.

What I heard: …Now, with more of the blood you love!
Me: Yes, because I do love the blood. So much you have to say it like, “Bluuuuud,” to really express the love of the blood. What the frack is going on? WHO loves blood?

What it said: …Now, with more of the stuff you love!
Me: Oh. Ok, then. Carry on.

The smart? It is falling out as we speak, Friendly Reader. Giant chunks.

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Are you a believer in astrology? That’s the study of the planets and constellations, their positions in relation to one another, and how those all affect your life and personality because of when and where you were born. A lot of people seem to place quite an emphasis on their own daily horoscopes. Reading a daily horoscope in the paper, well…just read mine.

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When was the last time you thought to yourself that you really rocked? That the chick/dude/chickendude over there was totally checkin’ you out? (more…)

Cattle Transport

Image by Nemo 2012 via Pixabay

“Imagine, and I’m not kidding, this whole room full of guts.”
– Mr ReloVertigo, on a small problem at work today.

This post was inspired by the great blog Line Of The Week, which makes me laugh daily.

If you ever find yourself hanging over the side of a rowboat on a foggy night, with your face inches from the water’s surface, telling your companions, “There’s something down there. I can’t…quite…see it…” Do not, I repeat, do NOT turn your face to look at your buddies, just to emphasize your point. Because that is always precisely when the Killer From The Deep reaches up and rips you out of the boat by the face, with one creepy, slimy, and extremely waterlogged hand. This is but one of the multitude of life saving lessons I’ve learned just by watching movies.

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It’s been awhile, and for that I apologize. Between illness, the holidays, and chronic pain, mixed in with some family stress, I was unable to write. I am able to come back now, however, and share some good news.

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We Relovertigos travel a lot. When you cross the country’s highways like we do, you eventually see some odd stuff. The image above is a menu, found taped to the wall of a women’s bathroom, at a convenience store in Iowa. Which wouldn’t be so unusual, except it was posted directly across from the toilet, and could only be properly viewed while seated. I don’t know about you, Friendly Reader, but when I’m…indisposed…I’m not exactly thinking to myself, “Gee, I smell burgers. I wonder how much they go for in these parts. And if I could get fries and a drink while I’m at it.” No. That is not what I’m thinking of, at all.

We’ve established that I’m a Nebraska football fan. Their head coach, Bo Pelini, has been under pressure for the lack of conference championships, for not even being able to get through the season to win our division of the B1G, and for a lack of fundamental skills on the part of players. Poor coaching.

Mr ReloVertigo walked into the room yesterday and announced, “I heard they decided to fire Pelini, and the replacement is somebody you aren’t going to like.”

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